Highway Fun

I used to drive fast. Not 10mph over the speed limit fast, but pee your pants fast. I wasn't one that weaved through traffic and cut people off, but on an open stretch I ran at a very high rate of fuel consumption, sucking empty beer cans out of the ditch. I drive about 90 miles round trip to work, in a 4-wheel drive truck. With the increase in the prices of gas, I found it was time to slow down. I read that if I went 60 rather than 70, my fuel mileage could increase about 10%. Since my normal speed was well above 70, I figured this might be worth it to slow down. So now, I drive about 60. And I have noticed a few things. One is that I'm never stuck behind someone wondering why the hell they are driving 65 in the left hand lane. My stress level has decreased significantly. Another is that most of my fellow drivers haven't discovered my new Tao of Driving technique. They fly all around me, zipping in and out of the other cars. Now this is mostly in Dallas, and I hate Dallas. I used to travel all around the country, and Dallas is the second worst place to drive, behind New York city. Any New Yorkers offended by this statement are free to bite my ass. But I digress. So I thought, "how can I have fun with these people short of using 3 tons of Ford to put them in the median?" The answer, of course, is to by my very own radar unit. What I have found is that they can be pretty pricey. What I also found, and this will sound familiar to anyone that's ever had a radar detector, is that the automatic doors at every strip mall on the planet sets off your radar detector. Hmmmm, wonder if I can use that? Yes I can! So right now I am looking for one, and have found some on Ebay. The bid is in, and for the cheap. How many other idiots want to by a 20 year old motion detector? Turns out the sending unit is the same one used in old X band police radar units, on the exact same frequency. They are also 12 volt units. I'll just wire it into a cigarette lighter plug, add a switch, and let the good times roll. They used to make a little device to do this, and I found a blog by a guy that had and used one. Per him, it's very entertaining. I can't wait. My friends who think it's a good idea to force merge at the end of the lane are in for a real surprise. Coming up behind me at 80? Be prepared for the adrenaline rush. I know in some way this makes me an asshole, but I really am tired of getting cut off or almost hit from the rear every day. If it keeps people driving sane when they are within 100 feeet of me, that's a good thing. And if it's fun at the same time, that's even better. I'll let you know how it goes. And if your radar detector bottoms out while your jacking with a big, red Ford truck with a Texas flag on the back, give me a wave. But please, use all 5 fingers.